just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
