I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
