watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dicks are not precious.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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