Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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