Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
