we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
