You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
