I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Please don't give away my fajitas
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
