my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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