So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
