My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
