i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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