it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
