you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
