3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
