It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
