he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
