Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
