I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
