I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
