She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
