I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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