one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
