Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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