Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My liver just broke up with me...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
