god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
