Princesses don't give blow jobs
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
