Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
this will be a night to untag.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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