I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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