xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
