these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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