I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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