Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
