dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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