White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
someone owes me an orgasm
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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