I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
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As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm like, not good at living.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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