Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
