at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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