I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
