i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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