I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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