And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
