you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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