Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
