fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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