You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize