I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
