I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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