ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Damn victory sex feels great
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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