He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
