I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
