I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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