oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
