Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
