Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
