i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
