His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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