No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
