ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
